Back to 3 Month Check-ups

My dad's stent was removed last week. I keep forgetting to take a picture of it - yes, my mom asked the doctor for it, to keep as a souvenir (the doctor said she's the first person to ever ask to keep it) :) He got a slight fever and didn't feel well for a few days immediately afterwards, but is all better now.

So, now he just goes back to the regular quarterly check-ups!

Thank you all for your prayers, emails, and support. We feel so loved and blessed, and don't have enough words to express our gratitude to everyone. I guess this concludes this part of his journey!

5 Months and a Trip to China Later...

Less than 5 months ago, we were told my dad would probably live another 11 months, and that was if he did chemo treatments. I remember when my mom called to tell me my dad's cancer recurred. I was with Carrie in NYC, sitting in a theater, waiting for a Broadway show to start.

So much happened in the past few months. My parents had so many tough decisions to make, and despite lots of doubting from well-meaning people around them, were able to make a decision to go to China after lots of praying. God worked a miracle, answered our prayers, and now the experiences of the past few months seem like they're all over, just like that! My dad's just back to normal. It seems strange to just be done. When it all began again, I think we expected to all be emotionally invested til the end. But now, it's another beginning.

It's funny how China has such a bad reputation. Of course it probably comes deserved, but it amazes me how much we all trust in the US health system too. The numerous recalls in the US should be enough of an alert that things aren't always fine and dandy just because it's been approved in the states. Even after my dad's CT came back clear in China, I think some people were waiting for the US CT to be done, just to make sure. It's as if the US CT scan was an official stamp, the proof that this was all real.

I have to say, I had some questions right after my mom called me from China to say everything was good. But immediately, I said a prayer, and told God "I don't want to be a doubting Thomas. It is a greater blessing to believe without seeing. Help me believe now, even though my mind wants me to doubt and I have lots of questions." It has been such an experience for me, learning to pray so much more through all of this. The whole praying-for-healing thing leads to many questions in my head too. Obviously there's a natural course in life, in which we all die eventually, so at what point do we decide to pray for healing, vs. just accept that it's time to go? All of these questions are still unanswered for me, but I prayed for a simpler faith. He has answered that prayer, and it has been refreshing to be able to come to Him in prayer with whatever I'm thinking about.

So what are my parents up to now? Well, they're still busy! They're meeting up with lots of old friends from church. They've spent some time relaxing at the beach. They still have some doctor's appointments to go to. My mom's cooking for all of us. Basically, it's back to the daily grind. Except that we have never ending thanks to give to God for giving my parents an amazing testimony to share, and hopefully many more years to spend together.

All Credit Goes to God

My dad had his CT scan done today at SCCA, and they just finished meeting with his oncologist. The results are the same, my dad looks just like a regular, healthy, normal person :) We found out today that my dad's oncologist is also a Christian, and he told my parents "All credit goes to God."

Next steps:
-Remove the stent
-Continue with 3 month check-ups!

Praise the Lord :)

Home, Sweet Home

We came home to wonderful, Seattle summer weather. My mom actually thinks it's a bit on the warm side, because we've had AC blasting the whole time in China. We enjoyed a picnic dinner at Matthews Beach last night for Gary's birthday.

Usually my mom is pretty strict about what my dad is allowed to eat. But this time, my dad had a blast with all the snacks we brought - Dad: "We should have picnics more often."

Everyone says how handsome my dad is. Dad is surprised that he looks more handsome now that he's older. Doing some stretching after eating:

And, dad being yeh-yeh (grandfather):

Speaking of which, while we were in China, my parents were riding a packed bus, and some people stood up from their seats. My parents hurriedly sat down, thinking the people were getting off at the next stop. It turns out, the people were just giving up their seats specifically for my parents, because they looked like senior citizens! Doh.

Visit the other macktinalin blog

Kyun and I are off to China! Please visit the following blog site while we are away (we will redirect you back here when we return):
http://macktinalin.blog.com

We will be in Beijing for part of the trip to visit some specialist doctors there. The doctors want to do multiple days worth of tests on my dad.

Surprised Doctors

The doctors at the hospital were surprised by the results of my dad's CT-PET scans. Going into it, they told us the goal was to get the tumor smaller, and long-term wise, gene therapy is just supposed to stabilize the cancer. You learn to "live with cancer", meaning it isn't totally gone, but it's not actively growing or spreading. They don't advertise gene therapy as a cancer-cure.

My dad's doctors said they've never seen these results before in a stage 3 or 4 cancer patient.

A number of people were praying with us for my dad's complete healing, and I truly was praying it with faith that God could do it. I knew He could. Yet, when it happened, there's still this surprise, like "WOA, seriously God?" I don't know why I was so shocked, I shouldn't be! About the next thing that came into my mind was "Alright, gotta keep praying for mom".

On Sunday, my dad will be speaking at a fellowship in ShenZhen. He's getting more of his strength back, after having a fever again and having less of an appetite. The next steps are still uncertain, since the results just came back. There is the option to continue with more treatments, or possibly return home earlier. We will keep people posted. In the meantime, Kyun and I are still scheduled to leave for China early next week.

Miracles Happen!

My dad had a CT and PET scan done two days ago, and he just got the results - the doctor can't see the tumor! It's gone! And in the PET scan, previously it "lit up" where the cancer had spread...but this time there were absolutely no places were the cancer lit up! The doctor said he has never seen this happen before.

I'm in shock, basically my mind isn't able to process it all right now. Praise the LORD!

Gene Therapy Side Effects

One indicator that the gene therapy is working well is that the patient gets a high fever soon after the treatment. In the first treatment my dad had, he did not have a very high temperature. This second time, he had a 40 degree C fever, which is very high. The doctors were very happy with the results this time (how often can you be thankful for a fever?). For my dad, this means he is extremely uncomfortable for 3-4 days. He basically doesn't eat for 2 days, and immediately after the procedure he has to lay still in bed for 8 hours, causing him to feel very restless, and his muscles to ache a lot. Besides the fever, he also vomitted. He is recovering now, though. Compared to the side effects from chemo, my dad prefers this, since the most painful/uncomfortable period is only a few days long.

Just as in the past, when my parents were sick, I have again been reminded how beautiful it is to be in the body of Christ. So many brothers and sisters, from kids in elementary school to the folks who are my grandparents' age, are praying daily for my parents. People from the ShenZhen fellowship who didn't know my parents before are visiting my parents in the hospital.

We just read Titus 3 at Bible Study last week, and it ends with "Everyone with me sends you greetings. Greet those who love us in the faith. Grace be with you all." There is truly a sense of love among brothers and sisters, and we so appreciate it. My parents send everyone their greetings from China also.

ShenZhen Update

Thanks for all those who suggested ideas for us to keep up the blog while in China. We've found a few options, and will let you know what we end up deciding on.

My dad is getting another gene therapy treatment tomorrow. Besides treatments, my parents have had quite a few visitors, they've been exercising and walking outside every day despite the heat, and have made a couple trips to the local Wal-Mart.

Take a guess, what's the fate of these animals?

Visitors from the ShenZhen area church:

Some Seattlelites visited - the Ma family:

My Uncle Phil from L.A. and Uncle Gary from Germany visited for an evening while on a business trip:

The Great Firewall

One difficulty from being in China is that many sites which we take for granted in accessing in the US are blocked! My parents cannot view this blog (all blogspots are blocked), and also cannot view facebook, picasa, youtube, yahoo messenger, etc. Please do not take it personally if they are not responding to you while they are away - just assume it's the great firewall in full force.

In the meantime, in preparation for us being in China for one month with my parents, I've been trying to figure out some alternatives for keeping people posted about everything. I think I might've found a blog site that is still open in China...I will let you know when it comes closer to that time.

Therapy Photos

Here are some pictures from my dad's first treatment. He had two heat treatments.

He had his gene therapy which was 6 small tubes of the p-53 gene.
My dad had a fever after the gene therapy treatment, which is supposed to happen. After two days of feeling very fatigued, he is all back to normal, and feels pretty good. Each day he is getting lots of IV fluids still - today he is having 4 bags pumped in.

And, this is how we've been keeping in touch - skype!

Kyun and I purchased our tickets to go visit my parents in China, and we will be there for 4 weeks.

Gene Therapy - First Session!

My dad's first gene therapy session will begin in a couple hours (Friday 9am their time, Thursday 6pm PST). It entails shots of the following into the artery which feeds the largest tumor he has:
-4 gene injections (not exactly sure what that means)
-A light chemo dosage of 5FU and cisplatin

He will be awake during the one hour procedure, and will be able to watch the process on the monitor. He then needs to stay in bed for 8 hours for the injection spot at his artery to heal (similar to the healing needed for an angiogram).

Week One in ShenZhen

My parents held their first English Bible Study at the hospital yesterday - 12 people attended. They read from Isaiah and sang some hymns. Cool huh?

Everyone in the family has been able to skype with my parents (even my grandfather, who is so excited about the fact that it's free, and my parents can see us and we can see them!) My parents have quick access to different foods/restaurants, there's a nearby Wal-Mart, and a stadium/field next door, where they exercise in the mornings.

My dad has been going through all sorts of tests, every day. The 11th will be the first dosage of gene therapy. Praying that all goes smoothly!

Some brothers and sisters have taken 1.5 hour bus rides to go see my parents in the hospital, and some of them never even met my parents before! Every one is so kind and loving. It makes me realize my own shortcomings - for the friends/family who have gone through difficult times before my parents, I didn't do a good enough job trying to show my concern, help, prayers, etc. Being on the receiving end, it's really easy to see that some people really are especially gifted in this manner. Thank you!

Busy in ShenZhen!

My parents' first few days in ShenZhen have been busy! My dad's been getting all sorts of basic tests done, to get a baseline picture of his health. His first gene therapy treatment will be on June 11th, and it takes less than one hour - my dad will be awake the whole time. Most of his lab results are coming out as expected, except one - neutrophile. When it is under 1.0, he gets booster shots at SCCA. He is pretty far under right now, at 0.4, which can be dangerous so he'll be getting 3 booster shots the next 3 days.

They've had brothers and sisters from the area visit them at the hospital, and Silas and Sophie (used to attend SCA) also visited them. My parents had a desire before they left to start an English Bible Study at the hospital (targeting the nurses and doctors there), so they spoke to their doctor about it. Apparently the doctor has already sent a hospital-wide email announcement about this, so please keep them in your prayers as they try to reach out to the folks there through this Bible study.

Arrived Safely in ShenZhen

My parents arrived in ShenZhen. They will begin w/some basic blood work, other lab tests, and a CT scan the first couple days. Check out their hospital room - it's a "VIP" room, with a separate sitting area, and most importantly, functioning AC and internet access.

Learning to Pray for Healing

Throughout the past few years, people have asked "can your mom play piano yet?" numerous times and I scoff and think "are you kidding me? you have no clue what you're talking about" because my mom is far from being able to have that kind of control over her left hand. It actually almost makes me angry that people would dare think it's that easy and fast for my mom to recover, when they don't see the her persistence and the struggles she goes through to get to where she is even now (which already seems like a miracle - I still remember the first night in the hospital, when she could move absolutely nothing on her left side, and thinking she was going to be bed-ridden for the rest of her life). I just figured people asked questions like that because a) they didn't know what else to say, or b) because they were naive.

I'm starting to be more aware of a third option though - c) some people pray for miraculous healing. It's not like I've ever thought that God can't do something - I know in my head He can do anything, and He still performs miracles to this day. I really believe He can if He wants to.

Some people have been emailing and saying they're "praying for healing" now that my dad's cancer has returned. And I just kept thinking "yea yea, sure, that's good positive thinking, they don't know what else to say so they're trying to be encouraging". But it's time for me to learn to pray this for my dad and mom too, so I started this morning. I don't really know why I didn't seriously pray that before...I guess I'm too "practical" of a person. I accept the lot the Lord has given us in our life, and just figured that He signed off on my mom having a stroke, and He signed off on my dad having cancer. So, just accept it and roll with it. I think that is ok too - it doesn't mean that if you accept it, you have less faith. Cause you still are having faith in Him that He is watching over everything and has everything planned perfectly, according to His good and pleasing will.

But it also means I might not be experiencing all of God and His power, and what He has in store. There's another aspect of faith that I've never experienced/understood. Maybe it is His desire to heal one/both of my parents! That would be so cool. So, if that is the case, I should start praying for it. And if that is not in His will, well, I accept that too.

Going to Another Part of China

My parents have changed their plans, and are going to ShenZhen (close to Hong Kong), instead of Beijing. They will still be going through the same treatments, just at a different hospital. There were many reasons for the change in hospitals but all the other plans remain similar. My parents leave early Wednesday morning still, and will go through a combination of gene therapy and lighter chemotherapy.

A brother from the Portland received gene therapy from this same hospital for his liver cancer last year, and will be returning to the same hospital at the same time my parents are there.

Going to China

In the past couple of weeks, we've been doing tons of research, inquiries, and have gotten lots of help from friends/relatives who have contacted other professionals in the cancer-field. My dad got his first round of chemo last week, and has been having a very difficult time physically - he has already lost 8 pounds the first week. We also found out that my dad does not qualify for the Herceptin treatment. After much research and prayer, my parents have peace and have decided to go to China to get a type of cancer treatment that is not yet practiced in the U.S. - p53 gene therapy.

My parents were deciding among multiple hospitals, and ended up deciding on one just outside of Beijing - thanks to the Kungs who visited the hospital for us earlier this week and spoke to the hospital director about my dad's specific condition, my parents really felt at peace about the treatment process, and the living conditions in the hospital. There is a special wing for foreigners who go for this treatment, with facilities more appropriate for the extended stays.

My parents will leave this coming Wednesday, 6/2, and they will return in two months, in early August. The gene therapy is meant to target the large tumor my dad has near his kidney. He will continue with a lighter dosage of chemotherapy while in China, since his cancer has already spread (gene therapy is more effective on localized cancers, thus he needs to do a combination of gene therapy and chemo).

My parents will have help from the Kungs in getting settled in. Kyun and I plan on joining them for the second month of their stay, but haven't solidified our travel plans yet.

Please keep them in your prayers:
-Before the trip: that my dad's energy and health can recover for a tolerable flight
-Getting settled into the new environment
-Wisdom for doctors/nurses on the treatment plan, and proper administration of the treatments
-Energy, strength, safety preparing for the trip, traveling, and while going thru treatments

Malachi Chapters 1 & 2

We’ve always had weekly family meals, but now we spend more time really talking-talking. My dad has been sharing some of his wishes to us, basic things like planning for the times in the future when he may not be around. Some people tell him not to think so much about being gone, and to focus on getting better, but I understand why my dad does it.

1. He’s being realistic (the prognosis isn’t good).
2. My dad does it for us, because he doesn’t want to trouble us after he’s gone.

He wants everything in order, and wants it easy for us to figure out.
It makes sense to prepare appropriately. It’s better to get it all out in the open instead of wasting our family dinner times talking about inconsequential things.

More importantly than just the logistics of preparing for the future, though, my dad has been sharing his spiritual insights with us. We’ve been talking about Malachi the past couple of weeks. It’s hard to summarize what we’ve been discussing in a blog post, but I will try to hit the highlights.

Malachi 1:2 "I have loved you," says the LORD. "But you ask, 'How have you loved us?'

The Israelites were asking God to prove how He has shown His love towards them! They didn’t recognize God’s amazing love for them already. This is the root of the Israelites’ problem. Leading into:

Malachi 1:6 “If I am a father, where is the honor due me? If I am a master, where is the respect due me?" says the LORD Almighty. "It is you, O priests, who show contempt for my name. "But you ask, 'How have we shown contempt for your name?'

The Israelites were sacrificing crippled and diseased animals to God (showing that they did NOT love God first and foremost). The priests even allowed this to happen– they were supposed to be the ones guarding and following God’s word, but they did not (follows in Ch. 2). Specifically God calls out that the words they spoke caused others to stumble. They were not being messengers of the Lord.

Malachi 2:16 “I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty.”

God uses the word hate twice – he hates divorce and hates violence of a husband toward his wife. These words are not meant to be followed just as law, but have a deeper meaning to it, as a representation of God desiring to be one with the church. It’s such a profound concept. It’s made very clear throughout the NT also, that He desires to be one with the Church. And this is why he makes such a strong statement against divorce – it isn’t meant to just be kept as a law, but instead there’s a much deeper meaning and reason for God’s words here, giving us insight into His heart's desire.

My dad urged us to read the Bible from the viewpoint of trying to learn more what is in God’s heart, instead of trying to read it like we would any other book, or just as an academic study. We're finishing the rest of Malachi next week.

Chemo Old-Timers

My parents are "lao yo tiaos" (loosely translated, old-timers) when it comes to going in for chemo treatments at SCCA. They know the drill, they know which floor to go to next, they know which appointments they can show up a little late to, and they even know the best chairs to sit in on each floor!

We're at SCCA now - my dad is getting his chemo infusions (takes a few hours) while looking at stuff on his ipad (a wonderful bday present from my cousins - he's the hippest guy around!), and my mom is squeezing in a quick nap (she never gets to nap at home).

It's a beautiful day in Seattle, and SCCA has some really nice views from all the waiting rooms.
In the waiting room, reading some funny things people sent in for us to laugh (on the nice, leather, reclining chairs).
My dad is all hooked up and ready to go (the tubes go into his port, in the upper right hand part of his chest).
And we saw Ariam, my dad's nurse from almost 4 years ago!

My dad is on the "EOX regimen", which is a combination of drugs commonly used for stomach cancer patients. this time's drugs have some different side effects.

Oxaliplatin: makes you feel very sensitive to anything cold (opening the refrigerator, breathing in cool air, touching anything cooler than room temperature), and causes people to think they can't breathe. This effect may be felt immediately, and is worst the first 4 days.

Epirubicin: may have impact on the heart and other internal organs (will closely monitor this one, as you don't want to cause any permanent damage to these organs). Also causes sores in the mouth.

Xeloda: hand/foot syndrome (my dad had this really bad last time - peeling of the skin, lost all his fingernails and toenails, numbing in the digits)

All of them will potentially cause fatigue, diarrhea, nausea, and or vomitting.

His doctor said he will probably feel the worst/most tired 10 days after the infusion. Please pray that the side effects will be minimal for him, and that he will feel minimal discomfort. Also keep my mom in prayers, that she may have strength, and also know when to take a needed break.

And the Best Laugh Goes To...

Chemo begins tomorrow - my dad has to be at SCCA for blood work by 7am. Chemo infusions are from 9:30am-1:30pm. Thanks in advance for your prayers.

Also, thank you to everyone who provided my dad (and us) with good laughs this past week. He hasn't had a chance to look through all the videos sent in, but has enjoyed many. We'll save some for later this week.

The best laugh might've gone to my mom, though. :)
Mom: How come I can't view the videos at makemacklaugh@gmail.com? I tried typing it in three times!
Dad: Are you sure you're typing it correctly?
Mom: Yes, of course. I double checked my spelling but for some reason the website says it can't find it.
Dad: You must be able to get in. What are you typing?
Mom: http://www.makemacklaugh@gmail.com!
(Dad laughs hysterically)

Help Make Mack Laugh

My mom's trying to make my dad laugh, since "laughter is the best medicine". Like, big, long, cheeks-are-sore, hearty laughs. My mom can somehow fake laugh, and make it sound real. But my dad can't pull it off.

This is where we enlist your help! Yesterday I showed my dad the video of the Fainting Goats (google it if you haven't seen it). But we need more ideas.

Please email us funny videos/pictures/stories at makemacklaugh@gmail.com.

We'll post his favorites next week. Thanks!

Port's In Place

Praise the Lord, my dad's port was successfully placed - this will allow doctors/nurses to administer all his chemo drugs, inject CT contrast, and draw blood for lab work in this one place. Hopefully it will be less painful than getting stuck multiple times with a needle. My mom and I are at SCCA waiting for my dad to wake up from his sedation. Dad, still drowsy: "I am warm and comfortable and I just want to sleep through the night here." Too bad we didn't bring a camera today, there were all sorts of pictures we could've taken during pre and post procedure.

My dad's procedure started almost an hour late, so while we were waiting, we looked through all the photos we received today from Phil (great timing!).
My mom wanted to make sure Koko got representation, so here he is (we're sitting on a wooden bench my dad made during his wood carving days):
And of course the family babies, who bring so much energy and laughter to all of us. They've turned our entire family into cooing baby talkers.

Mother's Day!

My mom apologized once for being sick, and causing us to have to start worrying and taking care of them so early on (since both my parents got sick in their early 50’s). Of course I think she’s absolutely ridiculous to even think that, because we’re not “sacrificing” anything to take care of them, we haven’t even been taking care of them!

People don’t understand how strong my mom is – I wish people had the chance to see her like how we get to at home. She cooks eight-dish meals for our family twice a week. She drives all around on her own to run errands, and often buys groceries for us kids too. She doesn’t pity herself for the stroke she had, but does everything on her own. Even if it takes her a little more time, she won’t ask for help because she doesn’t like to trouble us. She can hike along with us, and doesn’t complain even if it hurts her leg. She strives to work on her arm movement even though it’s difficult, painful, and progress is slow.

She encourages us to love the Lord more, and leads by example at home. She does everything she can to take care of my dad, and her dad, and all of us too. We love you, mom!

Medical Itinerary

When I hear the word "itinerary", I think of my flight or hotel itinerary for a trip to somewhere relaxing or fun. Unfortunately, this week I learned of another way to use this word. SCCA emailed "Mack's Medical Itinerary" - a listing of all the times my dad has to go in for different appointments. The following is his itinerary for this coming week, in preparation for chemo beginning 5/19:

M 5/10: 8:15am Blood draw, 9:30am patient education on port-care
T 5/11: 1:30pm Port prep, 2:30pm Port placement, 3:45pm recovery
F 5/14: 8:00am Heart scan, 9:30am patient education with GI oncologist, 10:30am patient education on chemo and side effects

Please pray especially for my dad's port placement on Tuesday. There is also a chemo drug that the oncologist has proposed which is extremely toxic and damaging to internal organs - my dad is seeking whether or not he should use this drug.

My dad went down to LA this weekend for just two days to see his family. He wanted to talk to his parents before his chemo treatments started up again, since they cannot easily travel. My dad also shared the gospel again with his parents, who are not yet believers. We are grateful that he had the time to make that trip, and also glad that all of his siblings will gather here in Seattle for a couple days in July.

Chemo Begins May 19th

Many appointments and doctor visits were made today, and we found out that my dad's chemo treatments will begin May 19th. Before then, there are all sorts of other things that need to happen, such as getting the port implanted in his chest, doing a heart scan, getting blood work done, and meeting with doctors and nurses to understand his new chemo regimen, along with all the potential side effects he will face.

Please keep my parents in prayers, to have physical and mental strength through all the visits, and new terms being thrown their way. Praise the Lord that I really see them having the spiritual peace that comes from God, which truly surpasses all understanding.

Family Photos

A long-time family friend, Phil, helped us take some pictures this past weekend. We had quite a fun photo shoot. Here are just a few:

More Treatment Details

Here are a few more details for those interested. Previously, when my dad did chemo, he took Xeloda, the oral version of a drug called 5FU. It was the most aggressive treatment possible at the time. The current plan is to have a port implanted in his chest, and start getting the 5FU chemo treatments soon.


There is a newer drug out now, Herceptin, which has been shown to help stomach cancer patients. The issue is that it only works for about 20% of stomach cancers, so we have 2 weeks to wait before finding out if Herceptin will work on my dad (tests are being run). Ideally, my dad would like to try Herceptin, since it tends to have less side effects. Also, since it's a new drug he hasn't tried, we hope the results will be better than just using the same drug (Xeloda/5FU) as before.

Treatment Decisions

The results of the PET scan were shared with my parents yesterday. Many lymphnodes "lit up", indicating the cancer has spread to those lymphnodes. The largest mass is still the one near his kidney. Please pray for my dad, as he has to decide in the near future which chemo treatment to do. He got one regimen from an oncologist of 2 months of a new chemo drug followed by radiation, but may try to find out if other local oncologists have different suggestions. This would also mean having to decide which oncologist and hospital to go to for all of his treatments.

Thirty Beautiful Years

Of all the couples I’ve ever met, my parents are the closest example I've found of having a marriage like how the Bible describes it. And I am not biased; I have had people tell me how it is almost sickening that my parents get along so well and love each other so much (I think they were all just jealous). My parents worked together for my entire childhood until I went to college, and then they worked together from home, and then they both got sick, and now spend every day together at home or traveling.

Today is their 30th wedding anniversary. I am thankful that I have my parents as such great role models. Happy Anniversary!

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today is my dad's birthday, and all of us kids wrote poems for him.

Kyun:
Life of Devotion
To God, To Wife, To Children
Great Model for All

Connie:
My dad’s name is Mack,
His mind is sharp as a tack,
He fixes everything himself and is ever so handy,
He started wearing flannel long before it was trendy.

He loves to go fishing,
And also loves gardening,
He picked up woodworking,
And even acupuncturing.

I love, respect, and admire my dad,
I’m sorry I ever made him mad,
He loves the Lord dearly,
And he is my hero, clearly.

Gary:
My da is...
A farmer in the city,
A stargazer when its pretty,
A cyclist and a logger,
but flat-footed, definitely not a jogger.
He's the quiet disciplinarian
with a louder laugh in comparison,
to all the times I was beat.
My da loves me nonetheless, I know its not an easy feat.

My dieh is...
A fisherman and captain,
Even if we run aground in the Key or in the Sound,
a flashlight in the water, Oops there's the ground!
And when I was in a pinch,
by the claw of a crab, that grinch,
My dieh swooped to the rescue, for him, pft, such a cinch.
From that moment on I knew
my dieh would protect me, always,
It's true!

My father is...
A godly, well-respected man
He serves people by his hand
And through walk, not just talk,
A daily lesson is always taught
that more important than self or wealth
is reliance on God, for spiritual health.

So happy birthday to you, my da, dieh, and father.

Piper:
I was a little intimidated by him at first,
because he was so much quieter compared to mom,
and always so calm.

I was worried to offend him by saying anything wrong,
because he seemed so serious,
and I am often delirious.

But today, that is no longer the case.

I now know he likes sweet things like ice cream,
and building a log cabin is his dream

He prefers not having to dress up in formal wear,
comfort and baseball hats are his signature

He is smart and handy,
has drawers of oriental herbs and a garage full of nice tools

He's gone through books and books of sudoku,
is ever so patient as he claps his hands for his granddaughter, and feeds her when she's bawling out-of-control

He is my father-in-law,
a super cool grandfather
a man who is dedicated to the Lord.

We love you! K, C, G, & P

Encouraging Music

When my dad first got sick, and later my mom in the middle of my dad’s treatments, the song that I found strength in was “My Redeemer Lives”.

The very same God That spins things in orbit
Runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory

Now I know, my Redeemer lives, I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify, Let this life within me cry
I know, My Redeemer lives

A friend encouraged me with the verses that talk about God not giving us more than we can handle. Those two things helped me through that time. The song God keeps putting in my head since finding out about my dad’s recurrence this time around is “It Is Well”.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

I usually don’t like the song because they sing it so darn slow at church, but now the lyrics have more meaning. It’s like an old-English way of saying ”God, I know that even though it all feels pretty crappy right now, in the end I know in my heart that ultimately it is well with my soul because you have everything under control, and You are already victorious!”

My mom told me that my dad has recently been really enjoying the following song:

Christ in me is to live, to die is to gain
Christ in me is to live, to die is to gain
He’s my King, He’s my song, He’s my life, He’s my joy
He’s my strength, He’s my sword, He’s my peace, He’s my Lord.

We have my mom to thank for being a music-centric family.

Successful Stent Procedure

Praise the Lord, and thank you for your prayers. My dad's stent procedure was successful, and went smoothly. The doctors were ahead of schedule so he went in early, and we are now back home already. There were two potential outcomes from the procedure, and the better outcome happened, so praise the Lord for that. The doctor said the tumor(s) were causing atleast an 80% blockage, so we also praise the Lord that everything happened quickly enough so that the stent could still be placed before complete blockage.

The PET scan is scheduled for this coming Friday, and we will find out the results by next Tuesday. Please keep this in your prayers. Thank you.

Back to Blogging

Last time around, people kept up to date on my dad's progress from his blog, http://macklin.blog.com/. We found it to be a very efficient way to let everyone know what was going on, so naturally he has already been asked by many people whether he would blog. It was very time-consuming for my dad last time, so he decided not to do it again. Instead, I will post updates here for him.

Please feel free to check back for periodic updates and prayer requests. Thank you for all your love and support throughout these years for my dad and our whole family.

Stent First

On Thursday, 4/22/10, we found out my dad's cancer came back. The cancerous growths were found near one of his kidneys, and were causing his kidney to have to work extra hard. To even consider beginning chemo again, the kidneys need to both be fully functioning, so tomorrow he'll go in for a procedure to put a stent in at about 5:30pm and hopefully help ease the extra work his kidney has been doing.

After that will come a PET scan, which will help determine whether or not the 6 nodules seen in his lungs are cancerous, or other types of growths. The PET scan date is still TBD. Based on the results of the PET scan, my dad's chemo treatments will begin shortly thereafter.

Survival Mode

Almost four years ago, I started dreading this call, and tried imagining my reactions and emotions upon receiving it. I would lie awake in my bed at night, oscillating between allowing the tears to flow freely, to resolving to be strong and think positively. But the last time I really remember actively worrying about it was roughly two years ago. It’s strange how time numbs us when everything is just going fine. We all too easily forget both good and bad things that we have experienced.

So when the call came, I was caught off guard. I didn’t react like I imagined I would – maybe I was in shock, maybe I was in denial. My mom told me my dad’s stage 4 stomach cancer came back, and that it had spread near his kidney and possibly his lungs. Even though I knew there was a high probability that this would happen, I guess I just figured that if he reached 5 years since his initial diagnosis in June 2006, he’d be pretty much in the clear. I think I stopped worrying because this June is his 4 year mark - he was more than halfway there, and our family had defined our own sense of normalcy since his surgery, multiple rounds of chemo, and radiation in 2006 and 2007. It was naive of me to think the possibility of recurrence was diminishing the closer we got to the 5 year mark.

Maybe I forced myself to think this way; my own mind’s way of protecting my emotions. I like to call it survival mode. I did it when my mom was in the hospital for a month going through grueling physical, occupational, and speech therapy to recover as much functionality as she could from a freak-mistake during her open heart surgery which caused her to have a stroke in 2007. (That also happened to be precisely the time my dad was recovering from radiation, and getting ready for more chemo.)

Everyone said I was strong. Rather, I think maybe I was too weak to handle it all at once, so my body switched to this survival mode, where I just focused on the day-to-day details like going from one therapy appointment to the next, because otherwise it would just be completely overwhelming. It was only much later, many months before my survival-mode-guard came down, before I realized how taxing that period was –I would burst out in tears seemingly randomly, to Kyun’s utter confusion, and I would have to explain that I was reminded of the time in the hospital because a song that I just heard was one that my mom and I listened to every morning while eating our hospital breakfasts.

I’ve decided not to be so bottled up and “strong” this time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being transparent and vulnerable, scared, sad, and afraid of the future. That’s reality, and there’s no need to hide that part. I’m an engineer, and I’m my dad’s daughter – put those two together and you have someone awful with expressing herself in words in person. Maybe writing it down is a way to tell my parents how much I love and care about them, and along the way, telling other people how awesome my parents are.